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BUILDING CHILDREN'S CHARACTER
by Barbara Joy Clarke
CHARACTER is:
A belief in an absolute system of right and wrong, combined with the will to do what is right regardless of the cost. Therefore, a person with character will say, "What's the right thing to do?" and a person with NO character will say, "what's in it for me?". You automatically have respect for a person with 'character'. Character deals with the matters of the heart--the inner you, not the outer you. The foundation of a person is their character. When you are an adult, you should proudly be able to say…I'm a person of character, I don't do what's wrong." In the past, society defined success in terms of character--what a person stood for, what a person believes, and the condition of the heart of the person. Unfortunately, in today's society, the shift is from character to achievement, to performance, to doing. It's no longer what the condition of your heart is, it's how well you perform. We are living in a culture today when we come to a fork in the road where we have to choose character over achievement, most choose achievement. When that happens, there is an automatic change in a person's ethics or values. We are slowly eliminating from our thinking and our line of sight the very thing we need most as individuals and as a nation.
Why is it important for Parents to Build 'Character' in their children? Your children need to know within their hearts what is 'right' and what is 'wrong'.
Children who have been taught 'character' by mom and dad automatically know 'right' from 'wrong' and have the will to practice what is the right thing to do regardless of the cost to them. The key is to instill in your children the very necessary "moral and value" system that will build character and discipline. This will enable your children to make the 'right choices' in their lives and have the will to practice them when pressured by outside influences, namely peer pressure.
Here are some A-Z guidelines:
A is for Accountability - Hold your children accountable for their behavior.
Making your children accountable for their behavior teaches your kids right from wrong. It also teaches your kids that we are all allowed to make choices and that you expect them to make the right choice because they are a person of 'character'. All children who have character make the right choice…guide your children to make the right choice. Here's an example…Your child is lying to you and you are absolutely sure of this, simply say to your child, "We do not tell lies in this house, we always tell the truth." Let your kids know lying is not acceptable. If they made the wrong choice by lying, take away TV privileges for a while. Tell them the right choice is telling the truth. Keep it simple, be consistent, take away a privilege, and your kids will quickly learn to be accountable for their behavior and make the right choice.
C is for Character - Help your son or daughter become a person with character, to be able to know right from wrong and have the will to practice it.
"Our society desperately needs men and women of 'character'" This profound statement was made by me as a wake-up call to all parents worldwide as a result of the violence and killings at Littleton High School in Colorado. Children with 'character' know automatically in their hearts that being violent is not the right thing to do. But first, children must be taught right from wrong by their parents. I encourage all parents to build character in their children. By age 8 children should know right from wrong so that they can make the right decisions when pressured by their friends to make the wrong choices and so that they can now make the right choices when parents are not around to guide their children. Our society is the most informed and well educated society by far, yet unfortunately, drug use of our young people is on the rise. More parents are becoming alarmed and concerned then ever before and asking themselves the question…"Gosh, I hope my child doesn't do drugs and become a burden on me and society! A child of character knows within their heart that it is "cool" to say NO to drugs. He or she will NOT be influenced to take drugs because mom and dad have taught him/her 'character', it's as simple as that!
Here's a perfect example of a kid that has no trouble saying NO to drugs. This is Ryan's story. "Ryan is in grade 10. One day, out of the blue, one of his many friends offers him a smoke. His friend pushes him to try it before it's too late. His friend says to Ryan, "Come on, man, we haven't got much time before next class." But Ryan is not about to be rushed. First of all, he doesn't know if it's a cigarette or drugs. He suspects drugs, but he really doesn't care because he is not about to smoke anything. He's clean and has decided and made the right choice that he will stay that way. After a bit of thought, Ryan says to his friend, "No, I don't want a smoke." The friend says, "Why not, it will make you feel good, come on man, try it". This time Ryan realizes this so-called friend doesn't really really care about him. He just wants to bring him down to his level. That will make him happy. Ryan stands his ground and says to his friend with full authority, "Thanks, but no thanks, I don't do drugs, it's not the right thing to do". The friend shrugs his shoulders and says simply, "Your loss". Ryan handled this scenario like a pro. Any parents would be proud to have a son like Ryan. He has 'CHARACTER'.
F is for Forgiveness - Practice forgiveness regularly and teach the importance of it.
Teaching your children to forgive others is the best way to achieve peace of mind and live a stress-free life. A great example of this is as follows. Your daughter has had a disagreement with her friend and swears she will never talk to her again because her friend hurt her in some way by saying something nasty to her. Simply say to your daughter, "I think it would be wonderful if you forgave your friend. I'm sure she is sorry she said those things to you. I'm sure she would be very happy and relieved to get a call from you". Always encourage your children to have a humanitarian attitude and forgive those people who hurt them. Forgiveness is a wonderful trait that is truly admired by many but unfortunately is so very hard for most people to do. Children with 'character' find it easy to forgive those who have done them wrong and will work hard to make things right with their friends.
H is for Humor - Make sure you keep your sense of humor. Laugh with your children often.
Laughing with your children as often as you can is not only enjoyable for you and your children but more important it is very healthy as well. Laughter gets rid of impurities and is good for everyone's well-being. Children come out with funny things and are a joy to behold. Make simple puppets together out of felt squares, put on some music and dance your little hearts out, with the puppets of course. Whatever project or simple enjoyment you choose to have with your children, make sure everyone is having a good time and that you laugh a lot together, while you are having fun and truly enjoying your children.
No is for No - Use it and mean it
We all know it's difficult to say NO to our children at times, but saying no when you think the occasion requires it, is a must for all parents. Do not let your children intimidate you. Just in case you didn't know it, your children are smart you know and know all the tricks to get mom and dad to change their minds…all they have to do is whine and wear you down, right? Parents must exercise their parental authority over their children. Why? If you do not say "no" when it must be no and stick to your guns, your children will not become children of 'character' but will instead become unruly, disrespectful and lawless and most likely than not become our next citizens of troubled adults. Make sure that by also saying "no" to your kids, that you look for ways to avoid the resentment and hostility that might build up in your children. Another great example:- For instance, if you have a child who is slow to get up in the morning, don't criticize them. Instead, tell your child breakfast is at 7:30. It is 7:30 now. Don't say…"you better hurry if you want to have breakfast at all". If all fails, buy them an alarm clock and if that fails, let them take the heat at school
for being late - the best experience of all - humiliation for not taking the responsibility to make sure they are on time for school. After all, that is their responsibility now, you have enough to do.
R is for Respect - Show your children respect, teach them respect and earn their respect.
When talking to your children, talk to them nicely to show them that you feel they are worthwhile people. Do NOT shout, scream or yell at your children. Parents must set the example, so their children will learn from their example. Don't ever forget, parents, children watch you, they want to be like you. Remember also…children are just little people, extensions of what we ourselves once were, they don't know any better…it's up to mom and dad to teach them and guide them so they will know better from your example, it's as simple as that! Praise your children often for showing respect to others and other people's property and nature. Say to you child, "I'm very proud to be your mother/father because you are so kind and nice to everyone and show good manners to your brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles and even total strangers. You are a good person." Watch the pride on your child's face. They will just beam! Children can never get enough praise from mom and dad. Praise also goes a long way in creating that amazing child you are raising to become instead an amazing child with 'character' who will do you proud.
Author's Bio:- Barbara Joy Clarke is a qualified educator, educating both parents and children for over 30 years. Her parenting guidebook evolved at the request of parents themselves who were confused about what to teach their children. Barbara Joy listened to parents and has written an outstanding A-Z Self-Help Parenting GuideBook for all parents worldwide regardless of race or religion. Dr. H. Gardner of the Continuing School of Education at Harvard University endorses her book and says it's the best parenting book to come along in 40 years. Parents worldwide are praising Barbara Joy's wisdom; not only for giving them the tools to become good parents, but taking the confusion out of parenting and guiding parents to raise 'amazing' kids with 'character'. She has appeared on radio, television and her book reviewed in magazines. Barbara Joy and her family live in Ontario, Canada. Barbara Joy has received the prestigious national and international Parent to Parent "Adding Wisdom" Award due to her awesome work in helping to make this world a better place for all families and individuals. To discover more important facts on HOW TO HAVE AMAZING KIDS, visit her web site at http://www.guideyourchildren.com
Always Remember……A Child's BEST Advocate is always an informed and educated PARENT.
All Rights Reserved. This article not to be published without the permission of the Author
Barbara Joy Clarke at bcbc@idirect.com
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